Spare a thought for the nation's breakdown recovery crews this Christmas

THE BIGGEST hazard of driving home for Christmas – at least according to Chris Rea’s 1988 hit – is being top to toe in tailbacks. Yet if it wasn’t for a trusty AA man the other day, I wouldn’t have even made it that far.

It’s typical Simister luck. After months of managing to avoid a visit from the breakdown fairy, she would have to strike on the Friday before Christmas, just as I was preparing to pack the boot with freshly-wrapped presents and head home for the festive season.

Naturally, being the sort of chap who’d rather run a42-year-old car built by British Leyland and a 15-year-old French hatchback acquired for less than most of my mates would pay for a decent shirt, I’m used to the occasional thing going wrong. It’s just not the sort of thing you want to happen on the day you’re driving home for Christmas!

In this case, the Peugeot 306 I’d bought a few weeks earlierdecided it only wanted to use three of its wheels for the long trip north – the offside rear wheel had completely seized up, and nothing I did was freeing the brakes off. Defeated, I dialled the fourth emergency service – and resigned myself to being in for a long wait.

In all my time peddling automotive tat in lieu of a shiny new car, I’ve had a distinctly mixed experience of all of Britain’s big breakdown recovery firms, including one instance when it took a staggering ten hours to recover my oldMini from Carlisle. So – on the day when most of the nation’s motorists were bound to be having the same festive intentions I was – I was hardly expecting miracles.

Yet within half an hour the stricken 306 had been jacked up and a chap in a hi-vis jacket had given me a diagnosis – the rear brake cylinder had given up the ghost and needed replacing before it was going to be safe for any pre-Christmas cruises up the A1. All of which meant finding a garage who’d be prepared to do the job inside of a day.

My usual menders of choice were too busy mending an equally problem-prone old hack – my colleague’s Saab 9000, no less – but Mr Hi-Vis had a mate at another place, and after a quick phone call and a bit of arm-twisting said garage agreed to getting the job done the same day. Sure enough, a couple of hours later I was reunited with a Peugeot ready for the important job of running the Simister family’s Christmas presents home. While I’ve had some distinctly ropey breakdown recovery jobs in the past, this time my knight in hi-vis armour genuinely was the difference between getting home and being stranded at the office, 200 miles away.

So spare a thought for the chaps in their brightly-coloured vans as they chug across the North West this Christmas. Every driver they get back on the move over the festive break is another Christmas that hasn’t been ruined by the breakdown fairy.

Here’s to them – and Merry Christmas to you too, obviously!

GENESIS NAMED 2015 NORTH AMERICAN CAR OF THE YEAR FINALIST

 At the Automotive Press Association Luncheon in Detroit, Genesis was named one of the top three finalists for the 2015 North American Car of the Year. The Ford Mustang and Volkswagen GTI join Genesis as the other two finalists.

“We are thrilled that the Genesis has been listed as a finalist among an amazing cast of contenders and we anxiously await the jury’s final vote in January,” said Dave Zuchowski, president and CEO, Hyundai Motor America. “In 2009 we made history as Genesis became our first North American Car of the Year win. Since then Genesis has helped guide product development and continues to be a game changing model that challenges convention and redefines the luxury market.”

This year the jurors considered 28 cars from its long list before selecting the top three cars. Twenty-nine trucks and sport utility vehicles were considered in the Truck/Utility category with the Chevrolet Colorado, Ford F-150 and Lincoln MKC making the final list. The North American Car and Truck/Utility of the Year award is decided by a jury of 59 independent, full-time automotive journalists from the United States and Canada. This is the 22nd year of the awards, which were inspired by the prestigious European “Car of the Year” awards. The U.S. program is administered by an organizing committee and is funded exclusively with dues paid by the jurors. Jurors evaluate the cars on a number of factors, including innovation, design, safety, handling, driver satisfaction and value for the dollar.

“Prior to 2009, Hyundai had no presence in the world of luxury automobiles. Then the Genesis sedan rolled onto the scene and won the North American Car of the Year award, proving that luxury is a word that doesn’t require a German accent or a princely price tag,” said Tony Swan, North American Car of the Year juror. “Now the second generation Genesis, improved in every detail, is a finalist for the award yet again. This is the 22nd year of the North American Car of the Year award. In the last six years, Hyundai has won the award twice (Elantra won in 2012), had another car (Sonata) among the finalists in 2011, and placed two cars (Genesis and Sonata) in the semifinals for 2015. Not only is that track record enviable, it’s unique among contemporary carmakers.”

The winner will be named at next month’s North American International Auto Show in Detroit on January 12, 2015.
 

What car would Father Christmas drive?

AN AD in last week’s Southport Champion apparently solved a motoring mystery. When the job gets too tough for reindeer, Santa uses an Isuzu D-MAX!

Plugs for Japanese pick-up trucks aside, the question of what the world’s best known delivery man would opt for as his choice of wheels is a surprisingly tricky one to call. In fact, the topic occupied a surprising amount of time with my colleagues at the Classic Car WeeklyChristmas dinner the other day. Yep, I know we should get out more.

Personally, I reckon it’s still open to debate. Largely because I doubt Father Christmas would use any form of motorised transport – not even something as surefooted and spacious as the aforementioned D-MAX – for the job of dispatching all the ponies and Sony Xbox Ones to all the boys and girls who’ve been nice and enough coal to heat Sheffield for a month to all the ones who’ve been naughty.

If Father Christmas actually issued Rudolph and his mates their P45s and did his rounds next Tuesday night with a car, said vehicle would have to have Antonov-rivalling levels of room inside for all the presents, and still somehow be light enough to park on a snowy roof without either crashing through the slate tiles onto the mince pies simmering below or sliding off altogether, falling into the street below and landing The Champion the festive scoop of the century. 

I reckon, boys and girls, that the prestigious job of delivering all the presents can only be done using a dozen reindeer and a sleigh endowed with a TARDIS-esque quality. Particularly because the only way I can think of him doing the job automotively depresses me. Father Christmas clattering up your driveway in a battered old Mercedes Sprinter would ruin the magic of Christmas!

If our bearded chum way up north does own a car, I reckon he’d use it for rather more mundane duties. Popping to the Lapland branch of ASDA, perhaps, or running the elves back from the pub on a Friday night.

I quite liked the idea of Father Christmas, if he’s anything like the grumpy Englishman portrayed in the 1991 cartoon, bobbing about in something like an old Triumph Herald, but it stands to reason that he both lives and works at either Lapland or the North Pole, both of which require the use of something a bit sturdier. Something which is comfy enough for a portly bloke who’s getting on a bit, but can still fight its way out of a snowdrift.

Therefore, after much deliberation, I’ve decided that Father Christmas is a Range Rover man. Merry Christmas!

Get ready for Christmas with our Car of the Year magazine

IT'S nearly that time of year again. Yep, the bit when a special festive edition of the Life On Cars magazine arrives.

As usual, it's a bit of a rundown of some of the best bits of 2012, including the not-at-all-prestigious announcement of what the best car Life On Cars has driven over the past few months is.

There have been dozens of great new cars this year, but to be in with a chance of being named Car of The Year it'll have to be at least as good as the current Ford Fiesta, the Honda CR-Z and the Citroen DS3 Racing (the winners in 2009, 2010 and 2011 respectively). Even though I can only show you the cover at the moment, so far the signs are looking very good.

You can also catch up on all the old magazines - including the 2010 and 2011 Christmas specials and the current edition - by visiting the Magazines section of this blog.

The new edition will be in ready in time for Christmas...

A Life On Cars guide to petrolhead Christmas presents

AS THE final bits of tinsel went up in The Champion office it dawned on me that it's December and Christmas is upon us. Mince pies, mulled wine, sleigh bells and Band Aid are back firmly on the festive menu.

The only problem is that I'm a petrolhead and - if you're reading this column, so are you - which means running the risk of getting a petrolhead present from a non-petrolhead partner, mum or mate down the pub. Which this year will almost certainly be , the latest in a long line of Jeremy Clarkson DVDs. It is the default Christmas gift if you know someone who likes their cars.

I haven't seen Powered Up yet but I've seen all of the fifteen or so DVDs and videos which preceded it, which have each ended up on my shelf after someone bought it me as a Christmas present. I can therefore safely bet this month's salary that Powered Up will contain the following; a race between some shiny new supercars, an appearance by The Stig, an unloved old car getting destroyed in a new and novel way and an analogy which winds up at least one celebrity. It is Police Academy 7 following Police Academy 6.

You could, of course, get the petrolhead in your life something for Christmas which isn't Clarkson's DVD; how about, for instance, a Land Rover branded lambswool wrap? Or a set of BMW-branded Bluetooth earphones? Or the oldest festive favourite of all, a Ferrari-branded baseball cap? There is no more surefire way of letting people passing you in the street know that you can't afford the car you're advertising at your own expense. Car-branded gifts are not cool. Don't do it.

If you really are stuck for Christmas ideas for the car nut in your family or group of friends then I'll happily suggest any of the following; a track day package, a day's off-roading tuition, a year's subscription to a decent car mag, a glossily-produced coffee table book on your car bore's marque of choice, an artwork from the Steve McQueen or Michael Caine movie of your choice or - if you're really desperate - one of those car care kits available from any department store worth their salt.

I await my DVD-shaped Christmas present from Santa later this month...

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

GeigerCars Christmas Hummer H2

V8 / 7.011 cc / 700 PS / 667 lb/ft (904 Nm) @ 4.260 / kompressor / AWD / 0 - 62 mph (100 km/h): 6,5 s / Vmax: 155 mph (250 km/h)
 
(click images for a larger view)

The ultimate Christmas movie

A NIGHT spent watching Liam Neeson shooting his way through the Parisian underworld has just proved one of my favourite pet theories.

All good car chases follow a formula.

It’s like knowing that Nicholas Cage has starred in lots of good movies but never a truly great one, or that the best Bond was actually Timothy Dalton (but you’re not prepared to admit it). All the best car chases are in continental thrillers.

Take, er, Taken. It’s a gritty movie which sees Neeson play a quietly-spoken American who spends most of his time shooting criminals, cheesing off the Gendarmes and generally destroying Paris at the helm of an Audi A8. Just like Robert de Niro did ten years earlier in Ronin, arguably the best car chase film of all time.



Almost any film I can think with a truly brilliant car chase involves egging some executive express through the narrow streets of a continental city, preferably Paris in an Audi. I’m beginning to think A8 sales in France are almost exclusively led by film directors.

The legendary C'était un rendez-vous puts you behind the wheel of a Ferrari charging its way through – you guessed it – Paris, but the actual car doing the driving is the director’s Mercedes. It goes with the theory perfectly.



British car chases have the action but not the exotic locations, as the A59 towards Preston is hardly the prowling ground of quietly spoken assassins with names like Jean-Claude or Jacques. Cold War thriller The Fourth Protocol looked promising with several good chases, including this great sequence with St Pancras station and a Rover Vitesse, but unfortunately using a Ford Transit as the main motorised star lets it down.



Bullitt and The French Connection fly the flag for Hollywood, but it doesn’t detract from the movies themselves never quite matching up to the hype. And having a car chase as the entire movie (that’s you, Vanishing Point and the original Gone In Sixty Seconds) doesn’t make up for it.

Nope, the best car movies are still the gritty ones placed in Paris, as long as you forget Roger Moore, Renault and Grace May in A View To A Kill.

Forget It’s a Wonderful Life. Forget Miracle on 34th Street, and even forget The Great Escape.

Rent Ronin instead and bore your loved ones this Christmas with the greatest car chase movie ever made. You won’t regret it. Much.